So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love having hate sex.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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