Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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