we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
