Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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