you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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