i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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