Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
