I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
