I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i came on her dog
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
