i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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