That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
