The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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