i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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