Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
