So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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