I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Panties = found
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
