it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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