Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
