Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
