Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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