Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize