everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
