i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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