I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
