My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
