Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
