Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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