My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
