Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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