so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
