No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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