I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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