Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
