Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
