Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
