i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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