so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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