I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize