Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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