farters have to be the big spoon...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
