yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My pussy is not your playground.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
