You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I've blown a few things in my day
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
