According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
