Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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