It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
