If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
