i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
