he shaved USA in his pubs
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
