I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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