beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
