Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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