Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize