I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
