i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
