I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
