the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
